How to – Give Advice Well There are many people who offer advice although I find that not everyone who offers it has been asked for it! While advice not requested is rarely taken well, there are things you can do to enhance the reception of your advice and things you may be doing to sabotage your well-meaning efforts.

Good advice is a wonderful gift but if not offered in a positive and constructive way, it will be ignored. If you really want your advice to be taken rather than simply heard, I’ve got some suggestions:

First, shut up
Really listen. Most situations are more complex and involved that they first appear. Get as much information as you can before offering advice. You may only be getting part of the story and advice based on incomplete information is best ignored. Ask questions to make sure you fully understand the situation.

They are NOT a total twit
Unsolicited advice may feel like an intrusion into a person’s personal affairs. It can be seen as an implication that they are incapable of figuring out an issue or thinking for themselves, and taken as an insult.

Who care what you think?
Ask if they are interested in your thoughts. Show them respect and prevent being intrusive by asking if they want your input. You could say something like “As I listen to you, some ideas occur to me that you might find useful. Would you like to hear them?” Remember that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ answer are both perfectly acceptable.

No pressure and no stings
Offer your advice without being pushy. We can never be totally sure about what is best for someone else. There are many things that we can never really know. While we can offer perspective, insights, shares our ideas and history, the other person needs to be trusted to make the decision that they think is best for them.

Like feedback, advice can be offered, but the recipient can choose what is right for him or her. Suggestions that are offered are far more likely to be considered than those that are pushed.

Labels: advice, feedback

  7:39 PM •  1 Comments •

How to - Put Limits on the Role of Mentor Formal and informal mentoring relationships created within an organization or between professional colleagues are becoming more and more common as people look to develop talent and acquire knowledge. Being a Mentor can be very rewarding. Providing support, suggestions and information to someone eager to for it can enrich both your career and theirs. However, in an effort to provide assistance, some Mentors go too far. If you want to avoid crossing that line, it’s good to know where it is in the first place.

Avoid:

• Putting your cash into their business ideas – Investing in your Mentee’s business changes your role from Mentor to Partner. Now you have a ‘not so hidden’ agenda as well as a conflict of interest. You are not going to be objective about your advice and feedback when your money is at stake. The Mentee can become wary about telling you anything negative because they are worried about an unfavorable reaction. Assure them that you are honored to be considered as a potential investor but prefer to keep the relationship as a mentoring partnership only.

• Working for them – Whether you are hired with or without pay, when you do the actual work, you have become an employee. The work your Mentee is responsible for should either be done by them or they should be hiring someone (else) to do the job. Your role is to work behind the scenes. A Mentor can help them determine the best way to get things done or provide feedback, but should not be doing the actual work.

• Become a personal counselor – While you can (and probably will) discuss life issues and challenges, pay attention to the line between work and personal issues. If the Mentee is coping with a large psychological concern (e.g., overwhelming anxiety, depression or euphoria, divorce, substance use, parenting, aging parents), a Mentor does not give personal advice and counseling. Be willing to listen, but point out that you are not an expert in that personal area. Suggest a call to a local or national hotline that deals with the specific concern (or if the firm/employer has an EAP, suggest an internal resource.)

It’s not always easy to know where the limits of the Mentor/Mentee relationship are. Having a clear idea of what things are definitely out of bounds from the start can help you identify areas to avoid.

Labels: advice, mentor, small business

  8:43 AM •  0 Comments •